"Brainfart (or brain fart) is a neologistic expression denoting a degree of mental laxity, colourfully clothed in neuroflatulent metaphor. The term is typically... a regrettable and poorly thought out choice of action... [or hiring]"
Since seeing him again, day after day, I've been revisited by the kind of nightmares I had not experienced in almost twenty years. Glad to see he's finally off Oliphant's witness stand. With luck, I should start sleeping normally again soon.
Hmm, I guess that makes it kinda hard for him to sleep? Oh well. After his deplorable six day performance on the stand, perhaps, that is how it should be!
Ohhhh, what a surprise! Ohhhh, talk about unexpected.
This morning, half awake, java in hand, smoke at the ready, I suddenly found myself having a mini-orgasm! And, ohhhh, what an orgasm it was. You see, as is my wont, I fired up my Hal this morning, checked my homepage (you know, to ensure all is not lost before the day begins), and then I clicked over to my regular news haunts.
Ohh, (titter-titter) what issss this? Oh, it's an indescribably sexy and beauteous image. Oh my, my screen is alive with oomph. Wow! ... Oh my!
Ahhh (drool, drool)... ahhh, it's so appealing, so enticing, ... oh, look at its new clean lines and new font! Oh, so alluring! So usable... and, and, it's itimized new bullet nipples ... errr.... I mean, bullet points... oh, they are so crisp, ... so succinct... sooo erotic!
Oh Christos! Oh, my goodness gracious! Oh, I do believe I am getting a methaphorical hard-on! Suddenly I feel tingly all over!
Ohhh, must see more... CLICK .... and more .... CLICK .... ohhh, is it just me or is it getting hot in here? Ahhh, oh, it so much reminds me of this .... ohhhh...
Oh Glory!
Tis but the kind website one dares but dream of in Canada .... ooohhh... ahhhhh... ohhhh.... ahhhh... ohhhhhh ... ahhhhhhh, oh, ah, oh, ah, oh, ah ........ oohhhhhhhh ...... AAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
Oh, wow, ... ahem...
Oh that was amazing ... ahem... gee... mmm [awkward pause] ... hey folks, sorry about that... really... sorry.
Wow, now I'm weak all over.
Gawd I need a post-coital cig .... (Zippo- spark- inhale) ahhh ... whew, again, wow!
Thank-you Globe & Mail; I needed that.
Kudos on your new web format. Now if you could only do something about Rex Murphy!
"Misleading the public has never been a strategy I've condoned." Rod Bruinooge
Winnipeg South Tory MP Rod Bruinooge is my Member of Parliament. As such, I like to know what he's doing on my behalf. Last week I was delighted to read of Bruinooge'sannouncement that federal funding has finally materialized to upgrade a very dangerous rail crossing near my house. It's one that I traverse hundreds (if not thousands) of times a year, so yep, this sure was welcome news.
Hmm, ... wonder what else intrepid Odd-Rod has been up to lately?
Oh Drats! Unfortunately, that is a question easier asked than answered.
The problem is that it is no longer easy to keep a tab on Bruinooge's activities. You see his official website, once a fairly reliable source that allowed his constituents see what he was up to, has changed. At the very least, you think his site would strive to highlight the kind of announcement mentioned above - sadly, it doesn't bother.
Instead, it seems now that Mr. Bruinooge and his "crack" constituency office have better things to do than keep we constituents informed. What Odd-Rod is actually doing and saying seems to be intentionally ignored at his own site. Rarely updated, his current website lacks clarity and transparency. The last "recent event" posting on his site is dated April 5th, 2009 and, presumably, is was intended to highlight how he helped mark the significance of the 92nd Anniversary of the Battle of Vimy Ridge. I say presumably because there is no way to verify the snippet presented. You see the link to the item leads to a dead MSNBC page, so while I have no doubt he was recently supportive of Canada's history of sacrifice at the Battle of Vimy - I also, based on the link provided, have no proof.
What I do have proof of is that MP Bruinooge has apparently decided Facebook is the platform best suited to advance his narrow anti-abortion agenda. How else does one explain why his official site contains NO mention of his much publicized anti-abortion statement last December - or his recent assertion that Canada has seen "an alarming increase in the number of cases where ... free speech [is] suppressed". Sure, his "official" website notes he is "chair of the multi-party pro-life caucus"; but it does not contain any links that would allow us to read what he is actually saying about the issue.
Funny, had I relied only on his official website and not bothered to track down his facebook site, I would never have been aware that he considers the "world view" of 65+% of his constituents to be "tainted'. Oh Rod, how odd?
Well, maybe not so odd; true he is upfront on one of his four Facebook pages that contain such links as:
Being up front on Facebook is one thing - but, apparently, Rod considers being up front on one's OFFICIAL WEBSITE to be something else altogether (i.e. not necessary). If his site is to be believed, 2009 has so far been an unremarkable year for Odd-Rod. In fact, it itemizes his attendance at only three "events" since the January.
And, it most certainly, does not include any reference to this!
Hmm curious ... you would think Odd-Rod would be proud to include the video endorsement above on his public political website? After all, he clearly believes Ezra Levant is "telling it like it is"? Further, his promise to help Ezra "continue" to the fight to abolish s. 13 of the Canadian Human Rights Act is no small pledge. It's something that we, as his constituents, should be apprised of.... no?
If my MP Rod Bruinooge truly believes in what he is saying on Facebook and at events like the one celebrating Ezra Levant and his "Shake Down" theory on Canada's flawed(?) Human Rights Act, fine. But the least he could do is be transparent about these activities on his official website. After all, we South Winnipeg voters don't want to have any "tainted ideas" about what Odd-Rod really stands for before we head into the next election... now do we?
Update *** Oh my, miracles of miracles, Bruinooge's Official Website has just updated its "Recent Events" listings for the first time in 6 weeks. Hmm, ... wonder what prompted that?
AGAIN: "Misleading the public has never been a strategy I've condoned." Rod Bruinooge
Can't wait for our local media here in Winnipeg to start going nuts over the implications of this canard:
"NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman told officials with Phoenix Coyotes that the NHL would consider moving the team to Winnipeg but not Hamilton, court filings show."
Now before the "Bring Back the Jets" movement gets all hot and bothered over this faux hope, let's all take a deep breath and reflect. We should know better. After all, anything that comes out of the that bastard Bettman's mouth in this regard can be, and is, only bullshit. After all, this is the same smug boardroom tyrant who facilitated the loss of our beloved Jets in the first place.
Don't believe a word of it people - a ploy is a ploy, is a ploy!
Let's not waste any of our time cheering for what we won't, and will never get back. Instead, let's cheer for what we do have ...
There's a tear in your eye, And I'm wondering why, For it never should be there at all. With such pow'r in your smile, Sure a stone you'd beguile, So there's never a teardrop should fall. Lyrics - "Irish Eyes"
So we heard this morning from the National Posts Mathew Coutts that "Mulroney looked a little emotional just now, a definite lip quiver.... Pratte and commissioner Oliphant pause the inquiry to acknowledge how difficult this must be for him."
Then we have Coutts' NaPo colleague, John Ivison appearing to be moved by the whole scene and writing: "Anyone who has grappled with a public attack on reputation that impacts their family will appreciate that when the subject of children comes up, it induces heartfelt grief. We've broken for lunch and it was a tender mercy on behalf of the Commissioner. Mulroney looked like he was about to crumble."
Oh, so too bad, and oh so sad... Hmmm? Both my little boys also cry when they know they are about to be caught in a lie. Coincidence?
So 16 months after he'd said he be there "with bells on" (a la Tinkerbell?), former PM Brian Mulroney gets to take the stand tomorrow at the Oliphant (aka ABA- Anything But Airbus) Inquiry.
Glad to hear he's been well "prepped". But as Coyne points out: "How much preparation does it take to tell the truth?"
Anyone want to take bets on the number of "memory loss" moments we are going to witness this week? Anyone?
Gotta give it to the two principal characters in this saga; Mulroney and Schreiber each have consistently demonstrated they are packing a set of humongously 'Big Balls'! Christ, it's a wonder either can walk, let alone talk straight. Oh, wait. Maybe they can't?
As co-dependent sufferers of LDNS (Large Dangling Nut Syndrome) it is entirely possible their shared condition explains much of what we've witnessed (and not heard) since 2007's misguided ethics inquiry. After all, if one's undies are perennially strangling one's nuts, it does (among other things) impede clarity. Presumably though, it should have no bearing on TRUTH.
Guess we will all get to see tomorrow if Mulroney's giganticus gonads in anyway "impair" either the truth or his memory?
Be Advised - this post does NOT include any of the following words: cock, dick, prick - and/or variations - dick-prick, dick-cock, prick-dick, or cock-dick-prick (?) BUT, it does contain the words sperm and Tory!
Holy dangling testicles Batman - amid a gaggle of fantastically flaccid plastic Flamingos - Harpo turned Five-O!
Now firmly in the middle of that male demographic that routinely suffers from Aging Male Syndrome (AMS), one can but wonder what will happen if Hard-on Harpoturns out to be one of those males between 35-65 whose body starts producing "less testosterone"?
Uh, oh! There's no way that would bode well for our body politic.
Yipes!
One can only imagine the ways in which our national polity will suffer should our Master-ba-Tory PM start experiencing problems maintaining his "sperm production ... sex drive and hair on the body."
Worse yet! Should he also start to suffer from all the attendant symptoms like "loss in muscle mass, weight gain, trouble sleeping, loss of energy, erection problems, memory loss, osteoporosis and/or depression" that sees his stress levels get "in the way of regular sleeping patterns"- well then, there is no way we can reasonably expect the man will ever soften (i.e. politically) his attitudes or tact.
One need only look to other historically testosterone deprived leaders to see what the end result will be - Diefenbaker anyone?
Faced with AMS in the 60s, Dief's quest for absolute power became all-consuming. Like Harpo, he could not repress the desire for a political re-erection at any cost. Whether, it was borne solely of Dief's need to compensate for his AMS, coupled his sense of growing political impotence, we will never know. But, if history is to be our guide, no good can come from a leader who is aware of his own constitutional limpness.
A limper-pettier-Harpo is bad for all. A man apt to throw caution to the wind at the best of times, one can only imagine what a desperately dysfunctional Harpo will resort to once his own principle organ starts going limp, misfiring, or running amiss. Further, his desire to the penetrate the psyche of the voters is likely to see him (again) opt for that scorched earth policy that befriends all insecure pol's. Of one thing we can be sure, his coming attempt to appeal to his base and engorge its membership with visions of an erect Tory Tower of Babel that speaks but one language ( a language of division) is all but assured - and in the process our lives will become a living hell.
Quick, somebody get this 50-year-old Tory man some Viagra - lest he become even more of a pol with lesser promise than our collective pot warrants.
