Is this the Age of Limp Dick Politic? Harpo's Big Five-O

*** Language warning! ***

Be Advised - this post does NOT include any of the following words: cock, dick, prick - and/or variations - dick-prick, dick-cock, prick-dick, or cock-dick-prick (?) BUT, it does contain the words sperm and Tory!

Holy dangling testicles Batman - amid a gaggle of fantastically flaccid plastic Flamingos - Harpo turned Five-O!

Now firmly in the middle of that male demographic that routinely suffers from Aging Male Syndrome (AMS), one can but wonder what will happen if Hard-on Harpo turns out to be one of those males between 35-65 whose body starts producing "less testosterone"?

Uh, oh! There's no way that would bode well for our body politic.

Yipes!

One can only imagine the ways in which our national polity will suffer should our Master-ba-Tory PM start experiencing problems maintaining his "sperm production ... sex drive and hair on the body."

Worse yet! Should he also start to suffer from all the attendant symptoms like "loss in muscle mass, weight gain, trouble sleeping, loss of energy, erection problems, memory loss, osteoporosis and/or depression" that sees his stress levels get "in the way of regular sleeping patterns"- well then, there is no way we can reasonably expect the man will ever soften (i.e. politically) his attitudes or tact.

One need only look to other historically testosterone deprived leaders to see what the end result will be - Diefenbaker anyone?

Faced with AMS in the 60s, Dief's quest for absolute power became all-consuming. Like Harpo, he could not repress the desire for a political re-erection at any cost. Whether, it was borne solely of Dief's need to compensate for his AMS, coupled his sense of growing political impotence, we will never know. But, if history is to be our guide, no good can come from a leader who is aware of his own constitutional limpness.

A limper-pettier-Harpo is bad for all. A man apt to throw caution to the wind at the best of times, one can only imagine what a desperately dysfunctional Harpo will resort to once his own principle organ starts going limp, misfiring, or running amiss. Further, his desire to the penetrate the psyche of the voters is likely to see him (again) opt for that scorched earth policy that befriends all insecure pol's. Of one thing we can be sure, his coming attempt to appeal to his base and engorge its membership with visions of an erect Tory Tower of Babel that speaks but one language ( a language of division) is all but assured - and in the process our lives will become a living hell.

Quick, somebody get this 50-year-old Tory man some Viagra - lest he become even more of a pol with lesser promise than our collective pot warrants.

Winnipeg Free Press: A Tawdry Rag

[as originally posted 12/08/08 on my formerly free thinking blog http://tworippingarseholes.blogspot.com/ ]

Good to know the language of the Winnipeg Free Press' editors has stayed above all the name-calling and hyperbole so rife in political circles these days. Not.

Still reeling from Saturday's Freep editorial, we two arses are now grappling with the fact that one of us may not be an "average Canadian". Apparently, anyone able to use "sophisticated arguments" in favour of a coalition is not an "average" citizen, while anyone who backs the idea of the "toxically offensive" coalition is guilty of aiding and abetting those who would "usurp power".

Wow.

Between us it now means one arsehole is treasonous (Fat Arse) while the other (Smart Arse) is on the right side of the divide. That each individual has a right to a political opinion used to be common wisdom among us. It never occurred to us that taking one side versus the other would mean one of us was no longer "average"?

To add insult to injury, Smart Arse has childishly seized on the Freep's dichotomy and now avers that Fat Arse is not just no longer "average" but is now, in fact, below average. As you might guess this has caused some undue tension at our own recent editorial meeting here at Two Ripping Arseholes. One can only imagine the negative effect it is having on the debate across the city and across the land.

Way to go Freep!

One of we arseholes (the newly anointed below average one) suggests the editors take Saturday's lame editorial rallying cry, "Three cheers for average Canadian citizens", and shove it where the sun don't shine. [n.b. The other arsehole is laughing too hard to have any opinion on the matter.]

If the Freep editorial board feels it must demonize readers who hold different views than its board to make its point, then it is little more than a tawdry rag. Be advised Freep, one of us will now only be using your rag to wipe his "sophisticated" average arse; after which Smart Arse will be free to read it. It is hoped that Smart Arse will, in future, be able to glean more from your opinions given they will now be coming to him with a bit of ... errr... extra context.

p.s. does anybody know if newsprint ink is poisonous and does anybody know how to flush this stuff when Smart Arse finishes reading it?