Grey Cup 2009- A Baker's Dozen equals Defeat

Oopsie!

“There were 13 men on the field, ... a lack of communication ... It’s just totally 100-per-cent disappointment. ... a disappointment that will be with our football team for their lifetimes.” Ken Miller - Head Coach, Saskatchewan Roughriders.

Really? NO SHIT! And, but for presence of one functional abacus on the sidelines, it needn't have ended the sad way it did. Pity.

Dear Saskatchewan Roughriders,

Thanks for the effort, you played a helluva game ... too bad it all came down to one simple fact - in the CFL the fielding of a Baker's Dozen is a big no-no.

Better luck next year guys!

And as for the Rider coaching staff, sheesh! I mean c'mon! Hope you all bone up on your math skills during what is, surely, going to be a very long off-season.

Sincerely,
Fat Arse

My Grey Cup Checklist

Functioning TV - check
Comfy Couch - check
Chips & Dip - check
A raft of Cold Beer - check
Functioning Bladder - check
Working Toilet - check
Simmering Pot of Spicy Chili - check
Ample Arsewipe - check
More Cold Beer - check

Alas, all is ready. All that's left to say is...

GO RIDERS GO!

This Is What a Failure Looks Like

12-17-09 - Update on the original post below. Go figure?


Winnipeg Blue Bombers 2009 season record:

7 wins - 11 loses

Need we say more?

Winnipeg Blue Bomber Coach - you sir are a putz!

Dear Winnipeg Blue Bomber Coach:

Mr. Kelly, heard you say tonight in the post game show that we must "Believe"? We must believe??? With respects sir - tonight I believe I paid too much to watch a desperate team with a horrific case of OLED (Offensive Line Erectile Dysfunction). It was a shameful and painful event to witness. Were it not for the D-Line I would have left at half-time. Jesus, tonight I spent more time booing my own team than quaffing ales - and that sir, just in case you are unsure, that is always a bad sign!

Christ, when the biggest cheers of the night are for the two drunken hammerhead losers who ran onto the field and then evaded Stadium Security by jumping over the 16 ft South barrier fence... well then you know you've got a problem. LeFors threw for just 30 yards Reid only ran for 32! At the end of the third quarter, Winnipeg had just two first downs and 73 net yards. Total offense for the night = SUCKAGE!

New system? New personnel? 'Everybody's gotta' believe'? Gimme a break you petulant arrogant fuck! You had a training camp to work these issues out. If I wanna see only eight first downs by the home team in an entire e'ffn game I go to my 10 year old son's flag football games in the spring. At least their offense has heart, their QB has an arm ... and, most importantly of all, the receiver's know how to run their routes. Tonight's travesty rests solely with the coaching. I do not blame all our boys on the O-line for this disaster... because clearly the coaching is inept.

A bloody disgraceful display! Mr. Kelly, thanks to you, my 10 year old turned to me tonight on the drive home & said quietly: "Dad, I'm not cheering for Winnipeg anymore. I don't wanna come to anymore games unless Montreal is here." Well done asshole - now he's a Montreal fan!

Coach Kelly you will find below the particulars of my Ticketmatster's account for tonight's game: trust you will contact me via email regarding a refund. After all, I was lured to the Winnipeg Stadium (yet again) under false pretenses - I was promised a game - not a Gong Show!

Sincerely,
One Lone and disgusted Fat Arse




Winnipeg Blue Bombers vs. Toronto Argonauts
Canad Inns Stadium, Winnipeg, MB
07/24/09 - 06:30 PM

Charge Summary

Item	Charge
Tickets
ADULT Tickets Total Convenience Charge(s)	CA $53.00 x 2 CA $4.75 x 2
Total Building Facility Charge(s)	CA $2.00 x 2
JYOUTH Tickets Total Convenience Charge(s)	CA $17.00 x 2 CA $2.75 x 2
Total Building Facility Charge(s)	CA $2.00 x 2
TicketFast® (includes Order Processing Fee)	CA $5.50
TOTAL CHARGES	CA $168.50

Billing Information

Customer Name	Card Type	Charge	Last 4 Digits	Billing Address
Fat Arse	VISA	CA $168.50	XXXX	101 Disgustville Dr.

"Regina, Regina: what rhymes with Regina?"

"Regina, Regina: what rhymes with Regina?" [Old Schoolyard ditty c. 1970s]

Be still my beating heart! Did somebody just offend Regina, Saskatchewan . . . again?

Gotta hand to Winnipeg's Bomber fans, they know how to get under the thin skins of the sod humping Saskatchewan Roughrider fan base. However, reports indicate that now they have gone too far! The latest episode in the saga has Winnipeg fans working Blue; using language so foul that Bomber president Lyle Bauer had to actually issue a "formal apology" on behalf of his team.

Given the history of the war of words between these two teams, what could possibly be so offensive as to necessitate a "formal" apology? Did someone call them "banjo-pickin' inbreds'' again? Dust-turds? Dimwits? Beer-swilling gopher fuckers? What is it that was said exactly?

Well, apparently Bomber rookie head coach Mike Kelly picked up on one fan's overly exuberant characterization of Regina as being the "crotch of the world" and went one step further. When speaking of his trading prowess, Kelly said: " We kind of raided the toothless, green, watermelon-helmet-wearing people from the crotch of Canada,..."

Oops.

That's not very nice.

And, because it was not very nice, the Bomber offices were peppered with emails from unsalted old ladies in Saskatchewan saying how shocked and appalled they were. Regina is not the kind of place one would ever see a 'crotch', said the toothless old babbling baba's from the Queen City.

"Don't ya know propriety and convention dictate that all oil lamps must be blown out before any dress is raised above the ankle in this town?" they wrote, "And while it is true one may occasionally get to feel a crotch in Regina - one most certainly never gets to lay their eyes on it! So take it back", their bony fingers typed, "we all know where the real 'crotch of Canada' is located. Stop lying. Apologize now. Tell the world you were wrong. Tell the world that here, in Regina, we are absolutely crotchless!"

Ah, CFL preseason silliness at its best.

Ya gotta give it to the Bombers and the Riders, they have perfected the verbal art of outhouse sparring. Equally cordial, equally graceless and equally absurd - the whole beauty of the exercise is that while everybody ends up throwing dung, nobody gets hurt. So, if life's "swine flu" is getting you down, have a listen to the machinations of CFL team's and their fans and you will be heartened to find that levity still surfaces in this economic shit storm we are calling 2009.

"Play Ball!"

[ ** To tell the truth, I can't wait for the first game between these two teams this season. Wonder how many hammerheads will show up wearing crotchless panties on their heads?]