Saturday, May 2, 2009

Is this the Age of Limp Dick Politic? Harpo's Big Five-O

*** Language warning! ***
Be Advised - this post does NOT include any of the following words: cock, dick, prick - and/or variations - dick-prick, dick-cock, prick-dick, or cock-dick-prick (?) BUT, it does contain the words sperm and Tory!

Holy dangling testicles Batman - amid a gaggle of fantastically flaccid plastic Flamingos - Harpo turned Five-O!

Now firmly in the middle of that male demographic that routinely suffers from Aging Male Syndrome (AMS), one can but wonder what will happen if Hard-on Harpo turns out to be one of those males between 35-65
whose body starts producing "less testosterone"?

Uh, oh! There's no way that would bode well for our body politic.


One can only imagine the ways in which our national polity will suffer should our Master-ba-Tory PM start experiencing problems maintaining his "sperm production ... sex drive and hair on the body."

Worse yet! Should he also start to suffer from all the attendant symptoms like "loss in muscle mass, weight gain, trouble sleeping, loss of energy, erection problems, memory loss, osteoporosis and/or depression" that sees his stress levels get "in the way of regular sleeping patterns"- well then, there is no way we can reasonably expect the man will ever soften (i.e. politically) his attitudes or tact.

One need only look to other historically testosterone deprived leaders to see what the end result will be - Diefenbaker anyone?

Faced with AMS in the 60s, Dief's quest for absolute power became all-consuming. Like Harpo, he could not repress the desire for a political re-erection at any cost. Whether, it was borne solely of Dief's need to compensate for his AMS, coupled his sense of growing political impotence, we will never know. But, if history is to be our guide, no good can come from a leader who is aware of his own constitutional limpness.

A limper-pettier-Harpo is bad for all. A man apt to throw caution to the wind at the best of times, one can only imagine what a desperately dysfunctional Harpo will resort to once his own principle organ starts going limp, misfiring, or running amiss. Further, his desire to the penetrate the psyche of the voters is likely to see him (again) opt for that scorched earth policy that befriends all insecure pol's. Of one thing we can be sure, his coming attempt to appeal to his base and engorge its membership with visions of an erect Tory Tower of Babel that speaks but one language ( a language of division) is all but assured - and in the process our lives will become a living hell.

Quick, somebody get this 50-year-old Tory man some Viagra - lest he become even more of a pol with lesser promise than our collective pot warrants.


  1. I read, or heard, something once about how young male leaders (politicians, generals etc.) are more militant (warmongering) and risk-taking on account of their raging hormones. As they age and their testosterone levels drop, they become somewhat more, er, conservative. That's with a small c. So you never know, but Harpo's limp appendage may actually be a very good thing, in the long run.

  2. Hi Rachel,

    Indeed, the observation about young leaders is probably true on some level. But should Harpo be plagued with a lack of sleep, depression, erectile dysfunction and and a limpness of the soul due to AMS then I think we are in danger of seeing the man become even crankier. Canadian politics is littered with the names of politically driven 50-somethings who could not reconcile their goals with their tactics. However, I would like to be proved wrong and see him embrace a softer form of governance. but I ain't holding my breathe.

    On the broader question of age & tyrants. Although it does not apply in Harpo's case; it is true that the crankiest and most vile monsters of the 20th century were all in their 50s when presided over the horrific atrocities that mark the last century.

    Hitler was 51 when the death machinery of the Holocaust began operating in earnest in 1939. Stalin was in his 50s as he aided and abetted the Great Famine and launched his "Great Purge" that took the lives of untold millions. And Pol Pot, depending on the source uses for his date of birth was either 47 or 51 when he embarked on his 3 year killing spree in the name of "reform" in 1976. Were their actions due to lowered testosterone due to AMS, probably not. They were all evil and sick bastards to begin with. But AMS could have made even more bitter. Especially in psycho Adolf's case - as the man was reputedly functioning with only one testosterone producing testicle to begin with!

  3. A dear friend of mine has been writing a book on menopause. She talks also about andropause, a male-aging phenomenon in which the brain cells of men actually shrink in size, which is tied to memory loss and other things (an equivalent of what happens to women in pregnancy, preggo-brain, but not reversible like preggo-brain is). She says this explains why there are so many grumpy men in their fifties running around making other people miserable-- they are going through andropause.

  4. I've read that sociopaths loose their tough edge later in life as well. They don,t become nicer, just less driven.

    Don't know if this is happening with Harpie, don,t really think so, but maybe all those pink flamingos are his party's way of telling him it's time to join the other retirees in Florida.


  5. When did Harper offer any kind of promise?


  6. Older, but not wiser. The people of Canada are still the losers regardless of which side of 50 their benighted leader sits.