Couldn't Debby Do Taxidermy?

[as originally posted 11/30/08 on my formerly free thinking blog http://tworippingarseholes.blogspot.com/ ]

General Manager,

Assiniboine Park Zoo

54 Zoo Drive

Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada

Dear Sir/Madam:

Alas, weeks have passed since the tragic extermination (with admittedly no prejudice) of the world's beloved Polar Mascot Debby. Our condolences.

We too loved Debby and were especially moved by the stories of her last hours when her keepers got a chance to get close and rub behind her ears. Very poignant indeed. "Now, she's gone and so we go on," is how your keeper Bob Sydor put it. Well, we were not quite ready to move on. And now we hear the zoo's bear display may sit vacant for years (if not decades).

Call us insensitive, but we were wondering if Zoo management ever considered having Debby stuffed? This would have extended the opportunity to rub Debby's ears to one and all for years to come? In this age of recycling correctness would it have not have made sense, served the greater good, to explore this option of stuffing Debby?

In these times of economic uncertainty "Stuffed Debby" would have provided exactly the kind of safe, wholesome, inspiring (inexpensive!) experience to draw the next generation of young children to the Zoo. Where are they to turn to now? The monkey cage? We think not (trust us: we know all about monkeys).

We hope this letter may lead you to reconsider Zoo policy. Perhaps moving forward you should consider the economic benefits of stuffing for all deceased mammals? This would surely redefine the very notion of what a Zoo is - in concert with the live inmates - stuffed one's would compliment the experience. The ultimate Petting Zoo if you will.

Most Sincerely,

Two Ripping Arseholes

p.s. - By the way, you may want to think about changing the Debby ad on your the website.