Thursday, February 12, 2009

Arse-o-the Week

[as originally posted 12/19/08 on my formerly free thinking blog ]

And the winner is, cheeks down, BALD SANTA!
Vic Toews you win the coveted ARSE-O-theWEEK!
How could it be otherwise?

Anybody who toils as hard as you did to try to fool us into believing that yes, yes there is a Santa; and that [wait for it, wait for it!] ... and that the Jolly Old Elf is, in fact, really a fucking Tory - deserves it!

The audacity of a haggard old Tory elf like yourself trying to marry the sentiment of the season to a series of clearly contrived post-prorogation/pre-election(?) announcements was simply criminal. Vicky, your willful whoring on the news-release circuit was... ah, ... I dunno, ... akin to seeing a top lawmaker plead guilty to violating election laws; or, maybe it's closer to having a rural family values man torridly spreading seed where it don't belong? Either way, the nausea that your craven disingenuous conservatism (i.e. opportunism) has induced within poor drunken Smart Arse is tantamount to assault. Poor lanky Smart Arse just can't stop upchucking over the abuse of power for partisan purpose we're witnessing.

Vicky Toews, you are trying to buttress your party's fragile political position by promising taxpayer funds to build Winnipeg's new temple to the pig-skin. This after your party sidestepped a confidence motion by proroguing. Aren't such grandious gestures and funding pledges a little presumptuous until the whole 'confidence' thing is resolved? I mean, didn't the Governor General place any restrictions on the 'pork' you guys are allowed to dole out during this bizarre interlude in the cadence of governance? Was there no GG edict that said: "You may not try to bamboozle the public or try to buy their votes with their own money unless it was approved pre-prorogation by the Treasury Board?" No? Really? She didn't do that?

Fuck! This is a banana republic!

And in Manitoba, Toews you are the chief Tory heel (oops meant peel). Slippery, silent and subtle your efforts are no different than those of the mob bag-man who tries to bribe hardworking teamsters into supporting a shady union rep. What gives Harpo and you the right to suddenly start buying our votes again when serious questions are before us as to whether or not you have the confidence of the House? What? What's that? You don't care?

I'll give it to you Toews, unbowed, and unrepentant and with a partisan hard-on worthy of a young-up-n-comer - you truly put on a shameless, exhibition of political opportunism this week. Now, some will say we are too sharp, too crude, too rude and lewd(?) in our awarding you this week's "Arse". "You do not understand," your sycophants will whine, "he made some good announcements!" To them we say, yes, yes; we know he pledged to help the disabled re-enter the workforce. Yes, yes; we know he promised to help out with aboriginal education. Yes, yes; we know he said he "committed to improving public transit..."; yes, yes; we know he said his government would fund "projects in Manitoba to honour Veterans and those who made the ultimate sacrifice". To all this we say - YES, YES! (n.b. Well, actually only one of us is saying it at the moment; Smart Arse is still puking!) Anyway, all good and fine.

But Vicky, oh Vicky, 'riddle me this'? Couldn't most of this have been done earlier? You know, like when you guys still had the confidence of the house last spring? Would it not have been more appropriate for you & Harpo & co. to actually act before you found your sorry selves on the cusp of the shitter-seat in danger of having the GG flush you down like a spent tampon? No? You sure? I mean as you yourself wrote, the taint of illegitimacy "raises some serious questions"; not the least of which is why are you pretending to be a Manitoba Santa? You know St. Nick is nothing but a cultural construct to draw us deeper and deeper into consumer debt ... don't you? I mean, do you really think you are Satan? (oops, err, ... ) Santa? Or, as you've asked of others, are you "making this up" as you go along? "When will Canadians be given the full details..."? When will you admit you are not Santa? And when will you, to paraphrase Julia Roberts, admit 'your just a girl (oops,... boy/pol) standing in front a public' 'asking them to believe in you again' (ha, ha, ha). Never, right? You'll never do it? Will you? Too bad.

Only a fool would believe you weren't trying to break ground for Harper all week so he could get a deluded-warm-n-fuzzy reception in Winnipeg as he comes to tell us more lies about his commitment to democratic, err, human rights. Only a fool would believe that Santa exists, or, as that mental-midget Solberg puts it - that his sleigh veers to the right. And only a fool like you Mr. Toews would try to pretend differently when you know damn well your party is nothing but a bunch of prorogators intent on pulling the wool over our eyes again....

And, Sir, not to put to fine a point on it, but that is why you are our Arse-O-theWeek! Congratulations!

[Whoa, Smart Arse, try to hit the e'ffn toilet at least! Yeah, yeah, it's over... I told him ... yeah, yeah, Smart Arse .. just pass-out now please! Dream of Iggy if you will. I don't care... just stop puking...]

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