Thursday, February 12, 2009

Screaming Mad & "Going Postal": Canada Post Lies!!!!

[as originally posted 11/26/08 on my formerly free thinking blog ]

Oh, no! Horror of horrors!
Our time sensitive Express-Post material is late!
An absolute must - we need to track it down ASAP.
No problem. We have tracking # - how hard could it be?

Oops, as Satan would have it, Canada Post's tracking website is down - message reads:


No problem, ...

We'll call & sort it out because, according to Canada Post, "If you require assistance" all one need do is "contact our Customer Relationship Network at 1-888-550-6333" .... ["relationship network"???] Odd, whatever happened to just plain customer service?

dialing, ....
One ringy-dingy,
two ringy-dingies,
three ringy-dingies,
four ringy-dingie... oh, here's the automated voice [let the obsfucation begin], 4 minutes of navigating stale automated voice crap; then this:

"We are currently experiencing extended wait times due to extenuating circumstances, we assure you that these circumstances have absolutely no impact on the delivery of your mail. However we are operating with limited telephone service ... We ask that you listen carefully to the following instructions....." [Actual verbatim quote from 1-888-550-6333. Check it out!]

ALAS, TWENTY-SEVEN MINUTES and three cigarettes LATER, finally a human voice! Glory we are saved!
Not so quick.
We soon realize the voice on the other end is simply magnificent in its unswerving commitment to the art of exuding blandness:

Her: "[sigh] Mrs. Pain-in-the ass - [sigh - long disinterested pause]... howww may I help you?"

We: "Hi, our Express-Post time sensitive material containing the frozen seed of Louis Riel is missing can you help us?"

Her: "Well have you tried our website tracking?"

We: "Yes, but..."

Her: "Well, I have no more information than that on the website..."

We: "But Ma'am, as we were trying to say... the website is down...."

Her: "Are you sure?"

We: "No we're just making this up because it's fun...'

Her: "No need for that... [sigh] ... do you have ... [yawn] ...the tracking #?"

We: "Yes, it is BA388694266FU."

Her: "Okay, ... [tap, tap tap] I'm sorry I have no such record...."

We: "Ma'am are you sure?"

Her: "Yes, you must have the wrong tracking #... I have no listing for C-Charlie, E-Echo, 388694266, D-Delta, W-Wanker."

We: "But that is not the tracking # we just gave you."

Her: "Are you sure?"

We: "Yes. Again the tag is B-Banal, A-Absurd, 388694266, F-Fucking, U-Unbelievable."

Her: "Oh, ... oh, sorry 'bout that, ... oh, I do see it here, but I have no information other than it was supposed to be there yesterday."

We: "Yes, we know that...."

Her" I'm sorry, I have no other information ... [pause] ... again, have you tried our website?"

Apoplectic, we tear our vintage 1970s phone out of the wall screaming insanely....

[n.b. two days later we are told our item has gone out twice and now is being sent back..... fuck!]

OKAY, we get it!
Canada Post is experiencing yet another strike.
Company bad - union good. Union bad - company good.
Blah, blah, blah, ... Who cares? Doesn't seem to be a saint on either side of this divide. When it comes to the relative merits of the present dispute we have no opinion. However, when Canada Post deigns to proclaim "that mail delivery will continue as normal" then, in light of our experience this week, we are compelled to call a spade a spade.

Canada Post management is LYING.

Fuck Canuck Post and its lies! It is misleading Canadians about level of services during strike!

[Below actual copy of web tracking for our item ... BTW, we are giving good odds on any bets that think our vital package containing the DNA fragments of Louis Riel's nocturnal emissions (onto his 1885 prison blanket) will arrive on time for us to clone him. Any takers?]

Product Type: Xpresspost
Date of Event Time of Event Location Description

2008/11/26 08:13 WINNIPEG, MB RTS out for delivery

2008/11/25 AM WINNIPEG, MB Recipient not located at address provided. Item being returned to sender.

2008/11/25 10:19 WINNIPEG, MB Item out for delivery

2008/11/24 08:51 WINNIPEG, MB Item out for delivery

2008/11/21 17:37 REGINA, SK Item arrived at postal facility

2008/11/21 10:26 REGINA, SK Item accepted at the Post Office

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